I put on my philosophical cap and thought for long.. And then came up with this stupid philosophy about Life.. That its a River which keeps flowing and circulating..
But at times, there comes a point where this River named Life becomes stagnant.. Say a dam or reservoir being the reason..
My Life is there at this point.. Stagnant and lifeless..
Boring actually..
Yeah, exciting things are happening around me, with people around me, their lives are changing.. But mine has come to a standstill..
I need a change, though 2010 has been life-changing for me (drastically), but right now, at this point, everything seems to have come to a standstill personally..
Yeah, I'm happy for people around me and trying to keep myself busy with their preparations.. But deep down I know am just avoiding to face the "full-stop" that's build up in my individuality..
I can't stop comparing myself to people around me who are moving on with their lives, and that hurts, because the one thing I hate the most is being compared to anybody.. And right now, am at this sad state where I'm doing this dreaded thing to myself.. Its not that I'm doing it on purpose.. But I can't stop myself doing it..
I know am not that unfortunate.. But I'm doubting if life has ever been fair to me..
I was this happy-go-lucky person once upon a time.. Where life used to keep me engaged, throwing in events to keep myself busy with.. I used to have that "happening" life.. But right now, even though I have things on my hands to concentrate on, I'm here feeling depressed about things I don't have in life..
I think I'm undergoing the Quarter-Life Crisis..
I'm getting old.. and I don't want to get older..
Another 5+ years and I'll be 30..
Am scared, I don't want to still be the same what I'm now even then..
I have no idea what Life/Destiny/Fate has planned for me or has in store for me..
Life is unpredictable now.. And I'm desperate for a good drastic change that's gonna be the best for me..
You see I'm among those set of people who get uneasy with "The Usual"..
I need the constant change.. Without which I get impatient..
The last unexpected but pleasant change in my life was in 2004..
It was life-changing.. From a resourceless college-going student, who got lucky by chance and landed into a just-so-perfect professional career.. I was the talk-of-the-clan at that point.. And I felt proud about it..
Though, the reality is I really had a tough phase before I got into that lucky situation.. I had visioned myself as a working professional earning a handsome amount.. But to get there, I needed to get into a professional college 1st.. But I was stuck in the never-ending CET counseling phase, where I so very desperately wanted to get into an engineering or dental college.. I was going through a nightmarish phase of life.. But life was such a surprise, it put me out of my dilemma.. It was a drastic change, but a really good one, something I deserved.. Maybe not a Dr. or an Engineer, but here I am in a respectable and a good money-yielding profession..
But at present, I'm back there..
I'm going through the same nightmarish phase of life where I'm uncertain about the future.. I had visioned myself to be married by now.. But I'm still here in the search of Mr. Right.. And having no idea when life is going to throw me in his arms.. But the wait is on and the clock is ticking..
In these matters, I'm very optimistic..
I trust God and my destiny.. I know I will have the perfect life I plan to see myself in some years from now.. But the wait to get till there is traumatic.. 'Cause I'm soon exhausting my patience deposit.. I know good will happen, but I want it to happen soon..
I want to get out of this stagnancy of life..
I don't get everything easily in my life.. I'm a Fighter, fighting my way through destiny.. And I know, someday I will get what I truly deserve.. And I will fight the battle of life till I achieve what I deserve !!!!
I just pray to God to give me all the patience and strength 'cause I don't want to lose my faith in Him..
